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Click Here, to share your feelings and memories about Tian Hong-:) |
       
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Charles My Darling Hong, Merry Christmas my love. Please wish My Lord a well wished Happy Birthday. This is our second Christmas apart but brings me closer to being with you again. The blessing of this year is that your sisters could be together again and Yu-chen was able to be with her Aunt and cousin for the first time in three years. Did you hear my cries to you and the Lord today? You know of my fears for the future with Ling, I can only pray that you might be able to help her in the future days and help me to find the strength to do what is right God willing. I am healing well since the fall. Was there God’s purpose involved in this that it to was on the 19th? I pray I am doing well in His Tests if that is the case. I long to be with Him and with you I wait for His call home. My eternal love, Charles Charles My Blessed Hong, It has been too long since I have written to you. I do not know if that is a good sign or just that I am falling back to my lazy self. I have actually begun working on the house again, trimming out the windows and doors and such, do you like what you see? Would you have been pleased with it? I want to get done with it so I might be able to invite Jenny, Bill and Yu-Chen to stop by sometime. You know that your father is having medical problems with his eye surgery I trust that you are with him and will comfort him in your own way. We are trying to get Yu-Chen a new passport so she can go back to China and visit your parents and achieve, what I hope, is the miracle we have been praying for. I don’t suppose you could find away of letting us know what happened to your passport could you? I pray you will be with Yu-Chen this Saturday as she takes her SAT tests. You know how much this means to her to do well and make you proud of her accomplishments, she loves you soooooooo much my dear. Even though I do not write as often as I should you know you are always on my mind and in my heart my love. I hope that God will provide us with some form of relationship when He allows me to cross over to Him and you. I miss you soooooooooo. Your Redbull loves you forever. Charles My Darling Little Red Snake, What a gift Christ shared with me on my visit to your family dear Hong. I know you were watching us all from your room in His home I hope that you were as pleased with the time we had together as I was. Did you dance again? I brought your dance shoes hoping you would be able to feel that joy you always showed when you danced. I left them with Yu-Chen to care for now maybe some day in the future she will have a little granddaughter that will want to dance and they will be a sweet memento of your love of dance for her. Yu-Chen looks and sounds so good with Christ in her life now. We are all still praying for a resolve to her struggle for citizenship and a visa so she can return and see your parents in China. I know that Jesus has His plans for her and we must be patient for His blessed response on this matter He has brought us all this far. This has all been so hard on Jennie to be going thru thank God she has a Calming force like Bill in her life his calmness and reassurance are a great benefit to her and Yu-Chen. I brought your cross back home today from the accident site so many new people visited your web site since I put it up last month. I am sooooo happy that many more have come to know about you and the great Grace of God thru this site. Praise be to Him for giving me the opportunity. We all miss you and love you sooooooo much my dearest one and long to be with you once more in His house. My lasting Love, Your Redbull Charles My Dearest Hong, How proud you must be over the grace Yuchen has shown to me. She is truly a child of Christ. How blessed He is to have shared with her His wonderful plan and purpose. What a wonderful Mother you were in raising her and what an excellent job Jenny and Bill are doing on building from your love for her. God is truly Great in His compassion for His faithful children. Her letter to me has made it sooooo much easier for me to visit them this weekend to honor your birthday together. I will ask for their blessings in regards to my desires for helping Ling on this visit it is something I have to do in person. I trust in God that they will understand my intent and need in doing this in my life. I ask that the Lord and you will be with us during this discussion of such an emotional subject. To see the Lord working so quickly on our prayers I can’t help but to be encouraged that He is deeply involved in saving all of your family Hong and that you WILL be all together in His home of many rooms. We will be with you Saturday my dear I pray you will be with us. God Bless your family as He has blessed you, Charles Charles My Dearest Hong, A year. An eternity without you. It is all flooding back again as if it ever receded. No not a minute not a second have you been from me or my heart.. I wish I could absorb all the suffering your family will face this day. Oh how I pray for some way. I will spend this day with you fasting and praying for your family asking Our Lord to comfort them in ways that only He can with the knowledge of your eternal peace and happiness in seeing what He has prepared for all of them in His house with you. That you will all be together again as He wishes. I do not know if I will feel you today I pray we all may be allowed to know that comfort again if even for a moment of time. If there is anyway it is allowed please give them your presence my love. I guess this idea of talking to you thru this site was only a comfort to me I hoped that it would be a way for others too but that has not proven to be the case. I just hope it has not offended anyone in anyway. I am so sorry my Little Snake and miss you so much Charles My Darling Hong, Thank you so much for being with me in China even though I never felt your presence physically I feel you along with the blessings of our Lord was with us thru out my visit. Everything went great not a single complaint. I could never have known your homeland was so beautiful and even though I did not visit Xian I hope to on my next visit. When with God permitting I will return to bring Ling home. Were you as pleased with Ling as I was? I hope so. She is so not you and that was what I was hoping for, you know why. You know what the future holds for us my dear and I pray we have God’s and your blessings. You know where my heart lies on this matter and you know only God can heal what I so hopelessly wounded. I will always accept His fate for me and await His calling whenever it should please Him. You also know that the results from the accident investigation are done and what the conclusions were even though I still can’t remember what happened I knew regardless that I was to blame for putting you in harms way. I can only pray that this will give some resolve to your family in some way they couldn’t find before. I ask that you will give me the strength and the Lord with give me direction as to how He wants me to handle the trial. I pray I might be blessed with some form of contact from you on this forth coming anniversary of your crossing over. I will spend the day there in honor of your life and family hoping to let others know of you and what the world lost that day. I will love you forever and forever pray for your family, Love Charles Charles My Greatest Love Hong, Well my dear you know what happens today I leave for your homeland. I hope this is being done with your blessings. I must believe it is for I know it is what I would have wanted for you. It is tough fighting thru all the guilt associated with this action I ask for your help with that. Do you approve of my choice Hong? I think that my Lord does. She is much need in her life right now much like you were when we met and I know I have so much more to give someone God permitting. She is quite different then you and I think that is what works best it will not be fair to her if every time I looked at her I was seeing you. You know you are not being replaced darling that can never happen and we know it. You know me completely now my love so you know I need to have someone I can be helping if I ever hope to find any resemblance of happiness again in my life. So I’m asking for your help in having things go smoothly during my visit and will you put in a good word for us up there. God Bless you and your family and I hope to see you soon. Charles My Dearest Hong, How happy you must be this day. This glorious day when you’re precious rain, Yu-Chen, has accepted Jesus as her personnel Savior and was baptized in His name this day. He has blessed us with the answering of our prayers for Yu-Chen with her adoption being completed and now her baptism having come to pass all your wishes for her are coming true. You must be sooooooooooo proud of her. I hope she might realize how pleased she makes you even in heaven. I pray that our compassionate Lord would have allowed you to touch Yu-Chen this day in some personnel way that would have importance to just the two of you. Now I must call on you for your understanding and comfort you know what difficulties I am about to go thru. I know that I have your blessings my dear I just don’t know how to work it thru my own mind and more importantly heart. Will you be with me during this trip watching over me? Please help darling I don’t want to mess things up again. I couldn’t stand to cause pain to anyone else. How I wish you were here to meet all the good people I have come to know at T4C they are a great comfort to me and I know how well you would have fit in with them and how much you would have enjoyed celebrating our Lord with them. I hope I may continue to bring honor to you and our Lord in my life and future actions. I wonder if I will be seeing you soon? Always your greatest Love, Charles Charles My Beloved Hong, Please forgive my absence but since the miracle you brought me I have been hesitant to discuss it here. But I received a letter from Jenny today and to try and combat the pain I feel now I think I must write of your miracle. Many will not consider this event I tell of as a miracle but Jesus, you and I know better and that is all that matters. Although I do hope Jenny and Yu-Chen would believe. This is how it happened. I had been picking up a local paper at an Asian restaurant I frequent called the Asian American Press. I had found it useful in the past for finding out about Chinese events that were happening in the area. I probably ten issues sitting in my work truck that I would look thru when waiting for contractors to show up for their meets with me, On this day as I browsed thru an issue I was drawn to an article that under any other situation I would have never read. The title of the article was “Logic of the Synchronicity Principle” as I read this full page article you must have been up just giggling to yourself waiting for me to come upon the paragraph that would expose your message. Of course all the ideas and principles I was reading about were way over my head, more evidence of the spiritual values here, but I continued on with the article. I came upon a reference to Carl Jung and Wofgang Pauli now since I have always had an interest in human physiology I knew who Carl Jung was but I had never heard of this Carl guy. Well Carl happened to be a Nobel prize winner in physics and the article mentioned him in relation to his obsession, as was true to all physics, with the number 137. My heart stopped beating. 137. That was the number of days we knew each other. That was the name of the story I told of you on this site “137 Days”. By this time you are going “ Go on figure it out darling. What else is significant here?” Well I didn’t at that point the 137 was enough for me to praise God and give thanks. It wasn’t till the next day that after checking dates on pictures taken that I was able to confirm that the date I read this article was the anniversary of the day you came from Florida and made your commitment to live with me and start our new lives. I was dumb struck and driven to my knees in praise to my Lord that He allowed you to contact me in such an undeniable way. What grace He continues to bestow on us. What a comfort He gives me in letting me know you are with Him in His Home. After receiving Jenny’s letter I must plead with you to comfort your Mother and Father and your precious rain Yu-Chen. They are suffering horribly and I can not relieve their pain as I would gladly do if I could. Even the delight He brought me with His allowance of your contact is suffocated with their pain of their loss of you. I honestly can not tell you my love how long I can deny their justice for you to be served. How much longer can I selfishly deny my death as retribution even if it denies me the right to ever be with you for eternity. God how I wish they understood your not gone but just waiting for us all to be together in His House. I know they seek justice in there loss and God be willing maybe they can be comforted by it. They are in my prayers every day as are you my love, Charles Charles My Loving Hong, Today is the anniversary of our new lives together. You moved in to our house on this day. I remember so vividly picking you up at the airport. Waiting for you to come down that concourse then spotting you in amongst the crowd. You looked like an angle to me dressed in your white coat and pants there was no missing you in that flurry of people. You did not see me thru the glass barrier you were concentrating on where you were suppose to be going to even though I was pounding on the glass yelling to you trying to let you know you did not need to follow everyone else downstairs to the luggage area. We had planned it out that you had shipped your luggage to our home and all you had was carry on but you diligently followed everyone else from your flight because you knew that is what one does when they are unfamiliar with a new surroundings such as airports. You had told me that I did not need to worry about you and traveling and of course you were right. You were so very clever about such things. You really never found yourself at a loss in such situations. So I made my way to where your flights passengers were coming out thru security on the lower level and I remember standing there a floor above you looking down upon you while you were patiently looking around for me to appear and I said nothing, I just watched you like I was in a dream and I realized I was shaking. I could not believe you were really here that this thing we had talked about so much was really happening. We were going to have a life together for the rest of our lives. I pulled myself together and called out your name as I ran down the escalator and into your open arms. The world was ours and nothing in it would ever be equal to how we felt at that moment nothing could be more real then this love. My darling I am afraid I can not go thru each day again reliving in type our time together in our home it is just so hard to do. We know the joy and laughter,tenderness and care, compassion and love that God blessed us with in the short period we were given in this world and we truly both know of the immeasurable amounts that He will provide us with in His home. You taught me more about what His love is about then anyone has in my life. I pray I was able to return in same to you. I await my return to you my darling and I pray while He chooses to have me remain here that I will live a life that pleases you And may make you proud of the man you gave your life to. Forever your devoted Charles Yours Only My Blessed Hong, Today I start the day off with once again watching you exercise with dance. I never tire of watching you dance not just for the beauty of it but also how happy you were when you danced I loved to see you happy. Those eyes would light up and that wonderful smile. But you could also become very stern with yourself if you got your music tapes mixed up or out of the order you used them. Then we would laugh about it. Our plans for the day were to go see your attorney in Tampa to go over the details of your visa case and how the two of us should proceed. I want to bring you and Yu-Chen to our home as soon as I can just to get you as far away as I can from the terrible experience you two had been thru. We arrive at the attorney’s office and Jenny introduces me to Pamela. We explain to her our hopes and desires to be married as soon as we can we want to be legal for everybody’s sake but especially for Yu-Chen. We want her to be able to go to school and not have to feel uncomfortable about her situation. But unfortunately this was not what Pamela’s recommendations are for proceeding with the INS she recommends that you continue on with the “T” visa attempt. I know there is going to be know taking you out of this you have been thoroughly intimidated by tales of the INS and you are paying Pamela for her advice so for the time being we will need follow it. We will talk more about it when you come to live with me. The discussion then turned to the events that involved that man who hurt you so and I could not bear to be in the room and listen to it I was just getting too angry so I asked if I needed to hear this and Pamela said she did not think I did so I left and waited out front. This was the first time I let you down and I realized it the minute you all came out and we got into the car to go back to Jenny’s. You were hurt and I knew you felt that I had abandoned you back there when you needed my comfort having to go over all that crap again with Pamela. I am so sorry for that. You had already forgiven me by the time we made it back. You were always quick to forgive. Of course you were not going to let me leave with out another of your incredible dumpling dinners handmade from scratch. This was your second great love to cook for others and there was always much laughter in the kitchen when you cooked with Jenny and Yu-Chen. I didn’t want to leave you there that night I wanted you to come back and spend the night with me my last night for who knew how long but you were strong where I was weak and we did the right thing. I returned the next morning after packing up the car. We all shared a wonderful breakfast together and I said my thanks and farewells to Bill and Jenny and Yu-Chen you walked me out to the car and sat with me where we pledged our love to one another and promises of our future life together know matter what the battle with the INS brought. You taped me a short message I could listen to on my drive home. We hugged and kissed goodbye and you left the car I pulled out of the driveway and began to pull away. Driving away from you was one of the hardest things I ever had to do and that haunting sight of you standing there waving to me for one block two blocks for three blocks never turning away while I was still in sight but finally I turned and you were gone. I wanted to immediately turn around and rush back to you but I knew I had to be strong like you. I wondered what you were thinking as I drove away did you think you were just being lied to again would you ever hear from me once I returned home? I was so angry for having to even be of the same gender as that bastard was who hurt you so and that was when I knew that it was the best thing for me to be leaving so that you would have the reassurance when I made good on all I had promised you and would bring you to our home. That was our first meeting I wish I good remember every second of it my love but I tried to touch on how wonderful it was to me and for you. To our delight we would not have to wait very long to be together again but that is another part of the story to be told later my darling wife. I hope you liked this walk thru our meeting my dear as much as it hurts I still want to share these times with you again. I miss you terribly My Little Red Snake Your lost love Dear Wife Hong, As my time with you is coming to a close we find ourselves becoming more intimate with each other. Opening up a little more each day I can tell you are trying to see how I react to different situations in your life. You were very worried about anything that you might perceive as me lying to you in any way. I understand this in you of course since you were so hurt by lies in the past but some of the items you question me about are caused only by my poor memory and thank God my sincerity in explaining this to you is accepted. We both realize that it will take time for trust to return to both of us but we know we have been blessed with His patience and love and worry not about our future together becoming a reality. We talk about our future much of the time now and the time is going by much too quickly for me. I return to my motel to change cloths for our family dinner together. When I return you once again blow me away with your beauty and sense of style in the cloths you wear. What a charming outfit you are wearing you have such nice clothing and it all looks like it was made for you alone. This is my going away dinner and we return to a restaurant that we had been to earlier it is the nicest Chinese restaurant Jenny and Bill knew of in town and the food was excellent even to your standards so we know it was good. Everyone has a wonderful time and we party too late to take our walk when we return. Tomorrow will be our last day together and it puts a sad note to the end of the day. We will all go to see your attorney tomorrow to get an idea of how she thinks it is best we proceed with the INS and when you will be able to move up to our home live. OUR HOME that sounded so good to say. I will write to you then. Your Love For Life and Beyond Me again Loving Wife, Saturday together begins with my arrival to pick you up as we are to go to Busch Gardens today. It is around 0900 in the morning and it is already 75 degrees this is going to be a hot one. I was never expecting this kind of heat I thought maybe 80 tops so here we go off to Busch in a car with out air-conditioning yikes! We get there about 1030 it is now mid 80’s we parked and took the tram to the park. The place is huge and it takes a few minutes just to get your bearings after you walk in. I only brought the movie camera with and wish I had the still camera instead but I manage to get a very beautiful shot of you in front of a waterfall. We go on a few of the simpler rides and I am very pleased that you are not a high adventurer type who wants to go on all the wild roller coasters because I would have had to suck it up an done it with you. But you took great delight in the aerial tram ride over the park and the train ride thru the animal area and that was a great relief for me.We were lucky to have a very nice Chinese show to go to while there it was a acrobatics troop and the show was great you were so excited to be able witness something from your homeland again. At the end of the day we were down to our last 50 bucks when we came across the caricature artists and had that silly picture drawn of us but of course you even looked beautiful in it. So we got on the tram and went back to the car we had spent the whole day there in temperatures that reached into the mid 90’s and you know what it never made any difference to us we were just so happy to be together always talking about our future life. Although it was nice to get back to air conditioning at Jenny’s that night. Tomorrow we would all get dressed up and go out to a nice Chinese restaurant together. Miss you and love dear wife The Lesser Half Hello again my Love, This was the beginning of our weekend and what a weekend it was. We took some wonderful pictures at the house of everyone and just hung around for awhile this day. I came early this day so I could take movies of your morning dance routine. I was amazed by it you were so graceful and so happy when you danced it was surely more then exercise for you it was nearly spiritual. I was also beginning to become aware of something about you over the past days together. You were as close to being perfect as anyone I had ever known. In everything you did and said I could find nothing to flaw. Again I saw God’s plan for us and His greatness in providing. You had always lived your life to such high standards. Your philosophy had been to do the best you can at what ever you did no matter how hard it was to accomplish or if you liked it or not you should give your best. Everyone could see this in you and were drawn to you for it. From your dancing to cooking, your professional life to your love life, your love of life and your love of family all showed how our Lord dwelled in you and you in Him. Along with getting to watch you dance this day I was also going to get to experience for fabulous cooking abilities this day. Why would we ever eat out again? We shared much comfort from one another this day. And lived it out as husband and wife. It felt great and we wanted it forever. I wish I could remember everything we did with more detail my dear but you know why that is not possible for me Hong. So I live with what I can remember piecing together parts here and there some in order others all mixed up and out of synch with reality but memories just the same. Tomorrow brings us the hottest day of the visit as we continue to explore Florida and ourselves. Till then I will continue to miss you sooooooo Much. Your Husband My Loving Hong, This was our most important day together during my visit. This day we went and received our marriage application from the local county authorities. I can not describe the emotions that I felt when first you agreed that you loved me as I loved you, Praise the Lord on High,and that you wanted to marry me and spend the rest of our lives together, all Prayers are answered by Him.I was struck speechless nearly knocked over in amazement of His gracious gift. I wanted to marry you on the spot but Jenny said that we should talk with your immigration attorney Pamela first to make sure that it would not cause a problem with the visa application process you were already involved in. So we went to the county seat and applied for the marriage license. As we stood at the counter providing the clerk with all of the identification information she was requesting we were holding hands, as we seemed to always be doing when we were together, and I began to feel you shake you were simply trembling with anticipation not really believing what was happening. After all the lies that the other man had told you here was one who was actually doing what he promised you. Your dream was beginning to materialize maybe not quite as you had planned but you had found someone who loved you more then anything in this world and was willing to prove it and loved to show you it was true. Now take how you were feeling and if possible magnify it, no that is not right we were equal in all our happiness, that was what made this love so special, so right, so Christ directed. I am absolutely certain my darling Hong that know two people have ever known more pure love then we had together. It was so hard not to turn and walk that 10 feet to the next counter and be married as man and wife. But we were told not to do this and you trusted Jenny and Pamela and I was not going to rock the boat I know how scared you were of the INS and this entirely different world you found yourself and Yu-Chen in and I did not want to bring you any distress. I and you know how the rest of this day went and it is only ours to know. From this day on we considered ourselves husband and wife. In our heart of hearts we knew that God had married us this day and now we were only waiting for the INS and society to finish their requirements to be recognized in society as married. I am sorry my dearest that I could not fulfill that promise to you. I tried to at your memorial service I hope you and our Lord accepted my effort. The story will continue tomorrow my loving wife, Your loving Husband Your Forever Love Dearest One, This was our day at South Beach together we also stumbled upon a wonderful art museum and botanical garden to explore. Once again you looked beautiful when I arrived to pick you up. I had managed to burn myself up from being in the sun the previous day. Being a northern boy it never even accrued to me that I should be wearing sun block and I was pretty much a lobster for the rest of my visit. So first thing out we stopped and got sun tan lotion and a pair of beach towels and headed off for a wondrous day together. I was able to take many lovely pictures and movies of you that day. This was the day that I began to realize how much you loved life. You enjoyed yourself so much this day. So full of joy it was infectious to those around you no one would have ever realized how hurt and depressed you had been just a week before in your life. You were starting to come out of your shell and become you again and I was privileged to watch this butterfly unfold her wings again. We ate at a nice Japanese restaurant that evening before we returned to Bill and Jenny’s to all take our evening walk and I could tell you were feeling more confident and less fearful each night that we walked together. We always tried to make a game out of even the simplest thing that we did together it seemed to please you and to relax you. I returned to my motel room knowing in my mind that tomorrow was going to be one of the biggest days in our lives together or so I hoped. Till then my darling Hong I will sleep and hope of dreams of you to come. Your Love For Life Red Bull My Beloved Hong, As I awoke after my first meeting with you I had to convince myself I had not been just dreaming that I actually was so blessed to be given the opportunity to be spending this time with you. I good only hope that you were feeling the same way after meeting me for the first time. You could not believe how much I wanted you to be falling in love with me as I was with you. I arrived at Jenny and Bill’s as early as I felt was proper calling you on the mobile phone so that you were talking with me when you answered the door and this time I did not call you Jenny. You seemed to find this approach humorous and had a good laugh over it. I was soooooooooo happy to make you laugh. Knowing that at least when you were laughing you wouldn’t be haunted with your past. We visited with Jenny and Bill for awhile and then talked about what we should do for our day> I had hoped to include Yu-Chen in our plans not knowing that you had already informed her that my time spent on this visit should be spent on us getting to know more about each other. I know now that you were protecting Yu-Chen as you always tried to do to not expose her to someone else in her life till you were sure it was the right thing for her. So even though I would Yu-Chen each day to come along with us she always seemed to have something she needed to be taking care of and was unable to come. She was such a good kid that when we were out one day and Jenny asked her what she thought about you getting involved with another man her response was “ It doesn’t matter what I think I’m just a child. What was important was whether you were happy or not “ Pretty moxie for a child I would say. So off we went with some ideas from Bill as to where to stop as we just drove down the coast. We stopped first at the Sponge Pier and it was here that I took my first of many photos of you. As I was to find out it was virtually impossible for me to take a bad picture of you. You were by all accounts the most photogenic person I have ever known and it wasn’t just me that was the response of everyone who has ever seen my pictures of you. You were a natural beauty and it always showed thru from any angle and under any light.We spent all the rest of the morning and early afternoon on the pier walking thru the many gift shops you wouldn’t let me buy you anything but something to drink so I just picked up some post cards to mail and a T-shirt for Luke. We drove a little further down the coast to a park that was called Honeymoon Island we parked and walked on the beach for awhile till we came on a swing. We took our first picture together on that swing and it was there that I told you of my sour full past and I what I had been put thru during the exact time frame you were going thru yours. I explained who all the people were that I had sent photos to you were and what part they played in my life at that point. That it was because of these common events in our lives and along with the circumstances of our meeting that I felt Christ’s strong presence in our being together. I could tell by the expressions on your face as I told you these sorted events your great capacity for compassion for others. We were learning quickly about each other and we both seemed to like what we were learning. I am sorry to say I don’t remember too much more of that day. I know we stopped at a Chinese restaurant that was called HO HO’s and had what you considered to be a very poor meal one with very little flavor and no freshness about it. I had yet to experience your marvelous cooking so I had nothing to compare Chinese cooking to. Anyway HO HO became our slang for all bad Chinese restaurants for the rest of our lives together and we always had a good laugh over it. Till I write to you tomorrow my love Charles Dearest Little Snake, I am sorry that I have not been able to write to you for such a long period but as you know the program I am using for your web page has not been working properly and would not post my letters to you. My friend Kelly has been king enough once again to fix this so I will try and cover all that I missed sending you my love. The last letter I was able to post was Mar 11th and now here it is Mar28th so I missed the entire period of our first meeting. I hope that I may be able to accurately relive this time with you again thru words. I remember that there was a sudden exchange of last minute e-mails between us on the 11th we were both getting so excited to be able to meet. You said that you were feeling a little apprehensive in regards to our being able to communicate with each other. We both knew that was not what you were worried about really, your English was more then adequate and as we found out there was never a moment allowed of miss-understanding with us. We always followed thru till we were both comfortable with what we were saying to each other. No your concern, which was well warranted, was about exposing your heart and life to another man after what that beast had so recently put you and your Daughter thru. You had yet to learn that I was suffering in the same way and that it was the love that Christ had given us for each other that would heal us both beyond our wildest dreams. Showing us that it was our two halves that could make us whole with Him. So we gave each other our last few words of comfort and on the 12th at 12:30 in the afternoon I pulled away from what was to be our home and began my journey . Now it had been my intension to take two days to drive the 1300 miles but as the time passed and the miles swept by I found to my amazement that there was no sign of fatigue. So after driving 24 hours straight I found myself pulling into the Best Western in New Port Richey just 2 ½ miles from where you were at Bill and Jenny’s. I checked in and figured I would take a shower and sleep till that evening then would call you to let you know I was there. By this time I had been up for over 30 hours after sleeping very little before I left and yet I could not sleep knowing you were so close. I dressed and called you asking if I could come over right away. Needless to say you were quite surprised to hear from me so soon but you were as happy as I to be able to meet just that much sooner. As I look back it was probably better to have done it that way as it did not give us anytime to be worried about what was going to happen. I was there in what seemed an instant ringing the doorbell. I was not the least bit nervous about meeting you my darling I was absolutely sure that God was providing for us in each other and yet when you opened the door I called you JENNY! Nice start huh? As I explained to you later I just assumed that the owner of the home would answer the door, pretty lame excuse I didn’t really think I would get away with that one but in your kindness you let me buy. I couldn’t help myself and I immediately took you by the hand. My God to actually be able to touch you for the first time I was afraid you might recoil from my touch, not yet ready for any form of intimacy, but you did not instead you folded your other hand over ours. I don’t think we let go of each other for the rest of that evening but of course I suppose we did. I had such a hard time taking my eyes off of you I thought that Bill and Jenny would think me rude. Your pictures you had sent me could not do you justice you were and still are the most naturally beautiful woman I have ever known I was just blown away. You were wearing your house dress the dress you felt comfortable in when lounging or doing light cleaning about the house. You introduced me to your sister Jenny and her husband Bill. I presented them with some wine I brought as a gift. Then you brought out Yu-Chen your daughter to meet me she had only been told about me over the last couple days and I am sure she was wary of and somewhat frightened to be exposed to another Caucasian man. She was very polite and gracious though and was happy for the chocolate I had brought her. We all sat and chatted that evening I had brought a short video of the house to show you so we watched that also. I think that you and Jenny prepared a spaghetti dinner that night and we all went out for the evening walk thru the neighborhood. This is where I experienced first hand the physiological damage you were suffering from that beast as every time a car approached us in the dark you would squeeze my hand harder and harder as you tensed up till you could tell it was not his car and if a car should approach from behind us you would just stop and pull back almost into the yards till the car would pass. I felt so angry towards this person for how he had traumatized you and for how much you were still suffering because of it all. You would seem to be able to pull yourself back to me though and within a matter of minutes to be smiling again. I made my mind up that night my love that you were not going to be having to go thru this anymore if I had anything to do with it. I returned to my motel early that evening finally beginning to feel the long hours pulling me towards bed. I gave thanks to Jesus for such a blessing in my life and I knew from just those few short hours with you that I would spend the rest of my life with you if you would have me. I feel asleep thinking of you and about the next day when we would have the whole day together. I will write of that next day tomorrow my dear, I miss you and think of you always. Charles Dear Little Red Snake, I am sorry for missing the date of our first phone call March 8th. To have heard your tender sweet voice for the first time it was even lovlier then I could have hoped. I was pleasently surprised by how well you spoke english and your laugh how wonderfull to be able to hear you laugh after all you had been thru up to this point in America. Did you think you were ever going to be able to laugh again? I didn't think I was going to be able to after what I had just been thru. Our Lord was so graciouse to give us each other so that we could laugh with each other. I miss so much our laughter together. As I re-read all of our e-mails, as each day passes, trying to re-capture the moments that are all I have left of you, I feel so saddened for all the promises I made to you trying to reassure of your future. our future, and how I wouldn't let anyone ever hurt you again like you had been hurt. How could I have known what pain liad before me and your family. I only wish there was some way to change it all but as the tears continue to fall I know there is not. I miss and think of you always. Forever My Love, Your Red Bull Charles My Sweet Red Snake, Today is the anniversary of your first letter to me. I remember how excited I was to read it. I could tell from that very first letter that I was hearing from a woman that I dearly wanted to know more about. Despite the horrible experience you had literally just been thru there was barely a mention of the fear that situation exposed you to, instead you spoke so proudly of Yu-Chen and what a sensible and smart girl she was it was very apparent the concern you had for her. You were always caring for others first and it was obvious from the beginning. You also showed your courage and resilience in the face of such uncertainty in your life. I had so much respect for you right from the start. In a 15 line letter you were emblazoned into my heart for life. A life I wish we had not lost my darling. I kiss your photo goodbye every day I leave the house and you and your family are always on my mind and in my heart. My Lifelong Love Charles My dear lost love, One year, it was one year ago on this date that I first wrote to you welcoming you to America.How I wish for your families sake you had not responded to that letter. I will never regret it for you or myself we found absolute bliss from it and a serenity only Heaven could surpass. I continue to miss u terribly my love but since going to Church now I again can feel closer to you. I have learned to curb my tongue better so as not to show any disrespect thank you for letting me know about that. I wish we had had more of an opportunity to talk about our beliefs with each other we were too busy learning about each other I guess. Hong I know the next 137 days are going to be very hard for me I hope you will be with me thru this time to help get thru it. I'm afraid that things are still not going as fast as we would all like with Yu-Chen and the adoption is it possible you could pull some strings up there and help get this done so she can feel some sense of security in her life. Your Mother had a fall and has been bed ridden for awhile and Jenny and Lilly had to tell her and Ming about Lilly moving to Canada this summer so they are quite upset about that right now. Can you comfort them in some way till there can be arrangements made for them to move there too? I know your doing all you can up there but I'm sure you have your limits maybe more then you did down here where you seemed to be able to do anything you set your mind to. I want you to know darling that I'm feeling directed to write to your Mother and Father soon I know that Jenny would still say it is too soon espcially with this Canada thing going on now. I just feel I'm showing them such dis-respect by not writing. Can you help me with this too. Jenny doesn't want me sending money anymore either so I will just put it aside for them. I hope the enlightinments that the Lord has given me since your passing are true and not just some wishfull thinking on my part. You know for sure. I hope I will be dreaming of you soon my love. Forever your Red Bull Charles Dearest Hong, I hope you had a happy new year with our Lord my love. With out time do there do you even notice such things anymore? I have found us a Church my dear I went for the first time today. I felt at ease with everyone I met much like your congregation in Florida everyone is so nice. I think you would have felt as comfortable as well there. It is very interesting to observe how different a service is at a Chinese Christian Church some how it just seems to be more sincere to me. That may well be true at any congregation that has as many new believers or maybe I'm just not comfortable with caucasions. I will try to be a usefull member of the congregation and hope you will be proud of me darling.Jenny was kind enough to send me some of your things it was nice to touch things that once touched you. Things are going slow as far as the adoption of Yu-Chen but God's will it will get done. I guess that is all the news I have for you at this time my love. I miss you so much and hold you tight to my heart my little snake. Charles To my Dearly departed Love, Six months, six long grief srtricken months have come and gone now. Time seems to go by so slowly will I ever get to be with you again? So long since I heard you laugh, saw that contagious smile that seemed to never leave your face. I miss you so much the smell of your hair the taste of your lips to brush your cheek to lay my hand on the tender curve of your hip and hear you say how much you liked that. As I was afraid my love the tears are flowing too much and I can hardly see to type more. I will try again later I'm sorry. Charles Dear Angle, Well today is New Year for us Westeners, of course not a happy one, no year will be happy for me with out your presence. I would like to think we would have been married over the holidays at Bill and Jenny's house with a small group of your friends present. I'm sorry we weren't able to complete that dream I know how much you were looking forward to that day as much as I. The more I think about it though we would probley have put that day off as long as the INS was letting you stay here so that Yu-Chen could get in as much school as possible before having to go back with you to China. My poor darling I think you were the only one still holding out hope for the "T" visa to ever come thru for you and Yu-Chen. But it still would have been for the better. You would have been back with your parents when they were needing you the most what with Lilly and Tian having left to start a new life in Canada after having been seperated so long from her husband. Hopefully in the period it took for you to re-apply for your new visa as my wife we would have been well on the way of getting your mother and father's moving to Canada and becoming citizens there. It all seemed to be so pre-destined to take place till I messed it all up. I'm sorry none of your friends or family have been able to leave you messages here yet but it may be too early yet or just not traditional I don't know. Anyway I will continue to write to you as often as long as I can for as long as I can. With All My Love charles My Dear Hong, Merry Christmas my love. Your Loveing Red Bull charles My most Precious One, We have had problems with this portion of your site but we think we have them fixed now. I hope others will leave messages for you now that it is fixed and I apoligize to all those who may have been frustated over this. Dec. 4th was an eventfull day for me as it marked the period that you have been gone from my touch longer then we knew each other. The first 137 days went by like a whirlwind from Heaven the last like the drudgery of Hell. I would like to be able to tell you that the grief and sadness has subsided but I fear it has not for any of us. You meant sooooooooooo much to everyone you touched in this life. I don't think there will ever be any getting over our loss. Christmas is just around the corner here for us I hope Jesus will understand the suppression of Merry in my observance this year. You know darling all I wanted to do was bring happiness and love into Yu-Chen and your lives instead I fear I have left a legacy that is to be a curse to your family and I hate myself for that fact. You are the only one with the answers to this living hell I've created I wish that you would be allowed to explain them to me. But I know I have no right to that and must wait for our Lord to enlighten me in the end days. I am not seeking sympathy I just want understanding as to what I'm feeling about all these emotions that race thru my heart and mind since that horrible day. I wish you could tell me what you want me to do now. All I wished was to please you with my actions when you were here and I don't want to displease you now.I know I can not help your families hearts what with the circumstances as they are at this time and I feel horrible over this especially over Yu-Chen hurting. So all I have is to send monetary help and that is what I will do. You can see in my heart completely now my love and you know I wish only to someday be able to share with your family my love for you and memories of you. With time maybe this will take place. I will pray for it. I still wait for you to come to me in my dreams, just one more mystery to try and understand in all this, how can I not dream about the most beloved of my life? It helps to talk to you in this it is like when we first met and were only e-mailing each other and for a moment we are together again.I so yearn for the day when I will be allowed to come home to you again. Till then I pray for you and your family.Wo Ai Ni, Wo Xiang Ni my Little Snake. Your Loving Red Bull Red Bull My dear little Red Snake, It is so hard living here without your presence. I still think I will wake up and we will be in Mitchel,SD just getting ready to leave on that fatefull day to return to our home. I do pray my love that the Lord will provide this gift to us. To be given a second chance at living out our lives fully with each other, watching Yu-Chen grow and realizing all her dreams, traveling to visit your beloved homeland and parents, to meet Lilly and her family in Canada. Just to have those twilight years together. I would gladly except this as my Heaven. To repeat over and over for eternity with you. I try to be strong for you passing thru each day knowing I'm one day closer to seeing you again. I wish that you would come to me in my dreams but I realize you must be very busy with your family. Maybe later on you can visit me. I hope others will feel free to talk to you thru this medium or to at least express their feelings here. I love you soooooooooooooooooo much and can't wait to be reunited with you. Thank you for being, your Red Bull
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